If that smile can't make me smile, nothing can! I need a daily does of Keller Bug Juice to keep me going these days. Currently dealing with both Iron Deficient Anemia and B12 Deficient Anemia. Not only does it make you bone tired...a tired even sleep doesn't relieve, but the B12 thing is causing some mild depression. I'm sure it won't last. Needless to say, those close to me know I've had a very emotional season. The busy-ness of my art business and the shows can be exhausting enough. From July til now, the end of October, we've experienced my mom's illness and death and the mother/daughter issues I've dealt with since. Mom died nine days after my first grandbaby was born. What a roller-coaster week of emotions running back and forth several times a day between two hospitals. That was followed closely by having to take my aunt to chemo twice a week, and a five day a week regimen on chemo/radiation starting next week. She has no other relatives in Mobile. After my mom's death, I was diagnosed with a blocked nerve in my foot, arthritis in my hands and neck, high blood pressure and B12 deficient anemia and also had my iron increased cause it was no longer enough to keep my levels up. Oh, God forbid I forget about pelvic prolapse. What a pain in the ....everything! Soon thereafter, my daughter wrecked her car and I started keeping Baby Keller (which is my current favorite thing to do) after Jen went back to work. Somewhere in all that my dog got gastoenteritis. What a joy that was. All that over a four month period. I feel out of balance. I have always said "just take it as it comes" but I'm beginning to feel like I'm standing in front of one of those pitching machines and it's shooting basketballs in my direction! Stress took its toll on me. Insomnia keeps me in a sleep deficit. I've beem fighting off sick-bugs for weeks. I'm fighting back though. I mustered up all the stamina I could to do the last couple of art events and I'm not taking on any shows this fall. I'm gonna meet the commitments I've made and try to relax and get my health back up to par and paint and kiss that grandbaby girl and love my family and my dog-sons and try to enjoy the holidays.
Oh, I can put on a happy face and say hurrah! That's what everyone wants to see. People ask "Are you okay" and I say I'm fine or just tired. "Everybody's tired" or "it could be worse" they say. So, for the most part I just say "I'm fine." Fine. I'm good. If I elaborate, I'm afraid I'll just cry, for heaven's sakes. I don't like feeling like that and I'm not gonna unload on someone else. Everybody has their own things to deal with .
God will see me through this season of my life. Gosh, I'm glad there were a few years scattered in there between Katrina flooding our home and the sudden loss of my great aunt, who was the heartbeat of our family. That still brings tears to my eyes. And still a multitude of unmentioned chaotic uprisings. But hey! Life goes on and everybody has one. The happy times, the laughter, the knowing smile from my husband keeps me afloat amidst all the sadness and tiredness and physical pain. It'll be okay.
While waiting on my aunt while she was in chemo a couple of months ago, a kind woman told me I looked tired. She asked if I was a caregiver. She said "Love your neighbor as yourself" means a lot. The "as yourself" part is what people miss. Take care of yourself first, she said. You're of little use to others if you don't. Timely wisdom.
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